reflections

Reflecting over 2011. Projecting into 2012.

I have learned SO MUCH about myself this year. I feel like this year really highlighted a lot of the negatives in me. Most people would be down on themselves about something like that, but I am so grateful. In all things I give thanks.... (and to my Heavenly Father). I'm learning me. I'm figuring out this process of life and how I function in it, in what environments I thrive and in others that... well, not so much. I harbor so much unfocused energy. It's just everywhere. I am very passionate, which could otherwise be translated as overly emotional. I have literally been ALL over the place. 2011 has been a year of trial and error for me. 2012 will be the time for me to take the lessons that I have learned and to focus this energy of mine into something very productive (and hopefully lucrative as well). I'm thankful for every roadblock, frustration, mistake, and distraction because i know ALL these things are working FOR ME. Now it's time for me to pick up this mess I've spilled all over life's floor and set it in order. Maybe devine isolation is in order... or maybe all I need to do is get somewhere and sit down and wait for HIm to speak to me... Whatever the case may be, I'm waiting on God to make my next move my best move, honey. :))

me. AUGUST 2010. but i feel bluesy today.

The fact that the adult American Negro female emerges a formidable character is often met with amazement, distaste and even belligerance. It is seldom accepted as an inevitable outcome of the struggle won by survivors, and deserves respect if not enthusiastic acceptance.
Maya Angelou

This is so me :)

distracted.

We wrestle not against flesh and blood.
I'm daily battling with....me. I want to walk into the promises of God. I don't want to miss a THING God has for me, but I sometimes get in my own way. I'll be steadily in alignment with his will for a period of time, pursuing His purpose, being obedient to His commands.. then something, the smallest thing, knocks me off track. Willing spirit. Weak flesh. I command distraction to leave me in the name of Jesus. That's all I have.

9.21

GM.

Rough mornings.

Today started off a little off… I had a mixture of emotions.

It’s only 9:30 am and already I have been angry, worried, frustrated, and sad. Now there’s a number of reasons I’m feeling this way but this one just sent me over. So I’m on my way to work, it's pouring rain, and there’s a wreck down the road that I take every morning. So, I wait patiently… I wait patiently some more… and some more. Finally, I decide to turn around and take an alternate route. Well, what do you know? There’s a wreck right here too. I’m calling my dad and can’t get an answer. I’m literally driving in a direction that I am not familiar with, nor do I have the slightest clue where I’m going (I think I actually may have been headed toward Cincinnati maybe lol). Here I am frustrated and mad, blaming everything on the devil. Praise Is What I Do was playing at the time, so I turned it up full blast in my car. The further along this (life) journey I get, the more I’m learning to give thanks in the middle of complicated, frustrating, impossible situations. In the back of my mind though, just for some reason, I’m not worried because I know I’m going to find my way to the right exit. My phone rings just in time and it’s my dad. I’m like two miles away from the exit I need to be on. All I could do was tell him thanks, such a relief. Then I started thinking about the place I’m at in my life. I’m just driving. I DO NOT know where I’m headed. I have not theee slightest clue. But I know for CERTAIN that the right exit is just ahead if I just keep driving, keep praising. I feel like I’m calling God trying to get a response and there’s no answer, you may be feeling like this too. Just know that He’s gonna call back just in time, right up the road, and tell you “Your exit is right here.” Go ahead and tell him “Thanks Dad” in advance. You’re not lost.

Ps 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.

THE GAME

OK SOOO....YAYYY. First ep of The Game aired last night on BET. *insert opening music* It kind of had my head spinning though. Felt like I was watching The Finale o_O... WAY too much going on!! LOL. So first off, Melanie does TOO much. Always starting mess! Poor Derwin. When is she going to tell him that the baby's really his?! SMH come on Mel.. So Malik... WHO ARE YOU NOW?! He did TeeTee so dirty last night! and who is the random chicken stand girl? IDK but TeeTee loves her and Malik is dead wrong. Meagan Good. I can dig it... I mean, whatever. Why does she always have to be a slore tho. Kelly's new character... I HAAATE. Girl. YOU. ARE. BITTER. and Britt Brat is like 26 now. The feezy. Growth spurt? Kelly and Terrance J. So.... awkward? IDK. It just kind of doesn't work for me. But we'll see. Jason?! Where is Stacy Dash?! COULDNT HANG WITH THE BLACK GIRL HUH? lol i kid. I'm not a fan of Janay but shoot, she got more sense that Melanie does. But I'm team Merwin for life. I love my Med School. AND WHY DO THEY KEEP SAYING THAT BABY HAS INDIAN HAIR! LIKE... NO HE DOESNT! She swabbed that child's mouth LOL! Melanie has issues. I love it. Anywho.... Who I leave out?..... i think that's it. Can't wait til next week. Yippeee Skippy.

LOVE.ascension.

Three Little Birds.

Rise up this morning... Smile with the rising sun. Three little birds pitch by my door step singing sweet songs of melodies pure and true... Saying this is my message to you: Don't worry about a thing, 'cause every little thing gonna be alright. -Bob Marley

FOUR WOMEN

BRILLIANT PERFORMANCE FROM BLACK GIRLS ROCK... I'M SURE NINA SIMONE WOULD BE PROUD! marsha ambrosious, kelly price, jill scott, and ledisi performing 4 Women

A bizarre sensation pervades a relationship of pretense. No truth seems true. A simple morning's greeting and response appear loaded with innuendo and fraught with implications. Each nicety becomes more sterile and each withdrawal more permanent... -Maya Angelou

FOR COLORED GIRLS... the movie i cant wait to see

:TOP TEN FALL TRENDS:

*drumroll?*

1.NEUTRALS after a bright season, it's time to tone it down.. camel, olives, browns...

2.LONG SKIRTS i personally think these look better on a woman with more of a curvy figure- or maybe i just haven't found the right fit...

3.KNEE-HIGH BOOTS been a fan since pretty woman...an over the knee boot is FEIRCE ;)

4.MENS WEAR blazers, double breasted suits, basic white top.. BOLD jewelry #POW

5.LACE im a fan of lace all year round..especially black ;)

6.HATS EH.... im over the hats.

7.ANIMAL PRINT Grrr. period.

8.VESTS (my personal fave) monochromatic, fur, knit, long, short, whatever u prefer. (secret:vests are super slimming..)

9.FUR ok but like, can u not be tacky with it (Express has some hot fur pieces by the way at an affordable price)

10.BELTED ENSEMBLES.. you been on it. nothing new.

honey. work. :)

24

WOW. I have not blogged in a long time...

This year has been a rollercoaster... I don't like rollercoasters. lol. I have gone from one of the happiest times in my life, to one of the hardest, and now I have come to a very pivotal moment. Everything is beginning to come full circle. At age 24, I've learned myself... I've FOUND myself... and now that I've found myself I'm gone off myself. -as humbly as possible, dont take it the wrong way. God is opening so many doors for me. He only did it, however, when I stopped trying to make my own plans. I mean I thought I controlled my destiny... Jeremiah 29:11.. It took me completely surrendering EVERYTHING to hear what He was saying clearly. God's telling me HE has plans for me- STOP TRYING TO MAKE YOUR OWN. Everything I was trying to do was literally just falling apart at one point. I wasn't focused-although I thought I was, I wasn't in position, I wasn't listening. I really had to check myself... It's a process.. and I'm still not finished, but God has brought me so far even in a matter of weeks. Literally. It's funny to me that we blame so much on the devil. Half the stuff I dealt with was self-inflicted pain! Sometimes you just have to be still... SHUT UP...and listen. Yall can't both talk at the same time. :)

#WALKALONE

K so im UBER EXCITED about working on this PJ Morton Walkalone campaign! I LOVE MY WALKALONE FAM! PJ's album drops 2.9.10! Here in KY, a friend of mine and I presidents for putting together a meet and greet in December... and responsible for pubbing, radio, etc... Please support QUALITY MUSIC guys! This is one you don't wanna miss! if you're on Twitter, put the word out...#Walkalone !!! Here's one of the joints from his upcoming album featuring tweet... FIYA! :) keep ya posted!

LOVE...

So... I just want to take a minute to type out my feelings when it comes to love and relationships. Over the past month or so I've watched a lot of my friends deal with heartbreaks and disappointments. I've experienced my own disappointment as well... (i can say that since this IS my "digital diary" right?) K. well, I guess I just have a few words of advice. This isn't relationship tips or a guide for love because I can't really speak on the topic... I have very few credintials.

What I do want to say is, TAKE YOUR TIME. Make sure you get to know someone before you dive in head first. When that person shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM. Proverbs 4:23 says "Above all else guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life" I pray and meditate on this scripture as often as I think about it. A big problem that I see is that we tend to get wrapped up in someone else and in doing that, we lose ourselves... So when you lose that "other half" it seems you've lost a part of yourself. That shouldn't happen! Take time to know you and love you. Make YOU first priority (well, God first then you). For the girls, don't go looking for your man... HE WILL COME TO YOU. Also get out of the mindset that there are no good men left... THERE ARE SOME GREAT MEN OUT THERE. Have I found him yet? Uhhhhh *scratching my head* NOPE... lol but I'm a total optimist. (well, for the most part haha)

&&&If you're dealing with a heartbreak and or disappointment, it's okay to be upset for a certain length of time dependent upon the depth of the relationship... but don't wallow in your own self pity. (that sentence structure was terrible, my bad) KEEP IT MOVING. "miss one next 15 one comin!" HAHA. hang in there lovers... TRUE LOVE'S ON ITS WAY! :)

okay, i'm getting off my soapbox. i don't know if i thought i was writing a love column or what. lol Have a blessed evening xoxo

Superwoman... Where Were You When I Needed You

I cannot get this song out of my head!!! I have been singing it for 5 straight days. STEVIE IS MY FAVE... "Superwoman" which leads into "Where Were You When I Needed You"..

I'll have a new post sometime this evening... Tentatively about one of my new INTERESTS;) Check Back!

I just got so excited :)

SOOOOO!!! SHOUTOUTS TO THE BLUEPRINT 3 FOR BEING #1 ON THE BILLBOARD TOP 200!

Sooo I may be late, but I just looked on the Billboard Top 200 to see who was where and I lost it...(excitement).I just want to take a moment to say how gone I am off of this CD... Jay is totally on his grown man on this one."Please don't bow in my presence, how am I a legend? I just got 10 number one albums, maybe now 11" HA! If you haven't heard it yet, check it out. Here's the Top 10

1.The Blueprint 3- JayZ

2.The Time of Our Lives EP-Miley Cyrus

3.I Look to You-Whitney Houston (GO WHIT!)

4.Only Built for Cuban Lynx..-Raekwon (booo)

5.#1's and Then Some-Brooks and Dunn (?)

6.Ready-Trey Songz (THEE DOPENESS)

7.The E.N.D.-Blackeyed Peas

8.Love Drunk-Boys Like Girls

9.Only By the Night-Kings of Leon

10.Fearless-Taylor Swift ("Ima let you finish..")

MY FIRST POST!

Hello World! Ok, so it took me like a whole 5 minutes to think of that opener. Now that that's out of the way, I'll give you a few random tidbits. Well, my name is Nykia. I'm 23. Sometimes I do random things like leave my potato chips in the fridge. iSing ALL THE TIME. got a cool lil voice, but not a singer. we have enough of those ;) lol. I ALWAYS have a song in my head. My life has a whole soundtrack, believe me. I wrote a poem once. I can't swallow pills. I said all of that to illustrate the fact that I'm radom. Did it work for you? Perhaps not.

*currently grooving to Frankie Beverly & Maze "Just Us" how do I get music on this thing? :/ *

However,
I think the title "On a Whim" is VERY befitting for me! I am randomly creating this page... It has no deep profound purpose or message nor am I any type of self-proclaimed (or otherwise proclaimed) professional blogger. This is merely what I like to think of as my own digital diary... a place for me to leave all my thoughts. Thoughts about LIFE, love, music, relationships, or just pure randomness. "On a whim" is not only befitting for this page, but for my life. Right now I'm totally living my life by trial and error. Maybe I'll go into further detail later when I get more comfortable with this. I wish I could take my personality and just paint it out on this page for you, but that's clearly not possible. Hopefully you can learn me from this little journal of mine. What's the difference between a diary and journal? Ok so this is both. lol *EXHALES* Now that I've gotten the corny intro and the basics out of the way... let's get inside my brain. Dig it?! :)

Wait... I feel like I should say something deep now...
hmmmmm...
Ok, got it...

"I am not working at random or just on a whim. My movement has a deep
spiritual origin. It came into being at this particular time by a mandate of
God. I have a divine guiding light. Even though many people think I am just
doing things my own way, there is no such thing as my own way." -Sun Myung Moon